As the child grows up, he will inevitably encounter various problems. At this time, as parents, don't rush in, you can ask your child eight questions first and listen to what they think. And often without asking a few questions, things are already clear and resolved.
1. What happened?
This question may seem inconspicuous, but it is very important. When many adults encounter unexpected situations, they will habitually make quick judgments: "It must be you hit him first, and then he will hit you." "It must be you doing something wrong, and the teacher will punish you." If we do not Let the child talk about the story from his perspective, it is likely to be wronged. Moreover, if the child is given the opportunity to speak, even if it is really his fault, he will be more willing to admit his mistake because of the opportunity to justify himself.
2. How do you feel?
The course of events is an objective fact. The impact on the parties is purely subjective, and it does not matter whether it is right or wrong. Many times, we just need to tell our feelings. Once you speak, cry, cry, and swear, your mood will be much better. Scientific research shows that when a person is in a strong mood, external stimuli are not easily absorbed by the brain. In other words, when a person is still emotional, he will not hear what others say. Always wait until he calms down before he can think calmly. Therefore, if we want the child to be able to listen to our opinions, we need to understand his feelings first and let his emotions have an exit. After the child is calm enough, he can ask him a third question.
3. What do you want?
No matter what amazing words the child says, don't rush to teach him first, but calmly ask him the fourth question.
4. What do you think of?
At this stage, you may wish to do brainstorming with your children and think of various ideas, reasonable, irrational, ridiculous, ridiculous, naive ... The focus of brainstorming is to allow any seemingly nonsense thought. No matter what you hear at this time, don't make criticism or judgment for the time being. When you can't think of any more ideas, you can ask him the fifth question.
5. What are the consequences of these methods?
Ask the children to examine them one by one. What are the consequences of each method? You may be surprised to learn that most children understand the consequences of things. If there is a gap in his cognition, he can discuss with him at this time and let him understand the reality. This is a good opportunity for parent-child communication, but to avoid preaching, just state the facts.
6. What did you decide to do?
The child must choose the situation that is best for him, and if he understands the consequences, he will usually make the most reasonable and sensible choice. Even if his decision is not what the adult expects, respect the child's decision. An adult must have a good faith and cannot tell him how to make a decision first, and then tell him not to make such a decision. In this way, he will never dare to trust you in the future. Moreover, even if he chooses a mistake, he can learn more precious and memorable lessons from this mistake. At this point, you can ask the seventh question.
7. What do you want me to do?
And expressed support. When it's over, ask him the eighth question.
8. What was the result? Is it as you expected? Or next time you meet a similar situation, what will you choose?
Give him the opportunity to review his judgment.
Practice this a few times, and the child will have the ability to solve problems on his own, and we don't need to worry about it.
If parents are to hold their children accountable for their actions, they cannot deprive them of the opportunity to fulfill their responsibilities. Let children handle their own affairs and bear the consequences of their decisions, so as to achieve the purpose of fostering children's sense of responsibility. Only in this way can children develop the ability to think independently and solve problems.
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